This ticket isn't worth the bog-roll it's printed on

Flickr / Podknox

You have to hand it to him. Ryanair's effervescent CEO, Michael O'Leary, planted an off-the-cuff comment, allowed the internet rumour-mill to grind its merry way, and is now enjoying the kind of publicity you just can't buy - however many €0.01's you spend.

1. Potty-mouthed CEO makes tongue-in-cheek remark about in-flight crapping
   
2. Media take tongue-in-cheek remark at face value, explode in a fit of derision
3. Potty-mouthed CEO smells an opportunity to garner more free publicity
4. Long-suffering public make their choice; potty-mouthed CEO gets to show off sense of humour

My money's on the O'Leary-brand arsepaper.

All this comes in the same week that the ever-ballooning taxes and gouges hit the spotlight in the USA. As elliot.org puts it:

"Hundreds of executives will gather at an industry conference to figure out how to grow the $3.5 billion in so-called “ancillary” revenues they expect to collect from us this year.

The Airline Sales Channel and À La Carte Pricing Conference appears to be there for one reason alone, at least from a customer’s perspective: To help companies find new ways of separating you from your money."

Nice. I suppose if they're going to do it, the may as well get together and do it more efficiently. To save you the airfare, Michael, here are a couple of belters that you missed. No charge:

Charge a penalty for no-shows. No, not just a rebooking fee, but a penalty for that missed opportunity to flog scratchcards and gin-pouches.

Deliberately delay flights into Stansted and Hahn. Not by much, but by just enough to derail anyone optimistic enough to attempt a 'connecting' flight. That way, you can rub your hands together with glee as you offer the hapless passenger a seat on the next flight for €385.

Little fines for everything. Checked in at the wrong desk? £15. Try to board out of sequence? £12. Creased your boarding pass? That'll be £35 for a reissue.

Any more suggestions? Post 'em in the comments section below.